I’m a pretty tough girl but this is my biggest weakness, I must admit: the fear of being alone.
From a young age, due to some fucked up childhood traumas I learned to be very independent from my parents and my family, even though I have the most amazing parents one could ask for (I think I’ll tell this story soon).
The opposite thing happens with the men in my life. I find myself depending on them, putting all I’ve got into every relationship, taking things too fast, taking their world by storm.
I demand respect, don’t take me wrong. I know my worth and know when to leave a relationship but while things are going well, I let myself get completely lost in love.
Then when things fall apart, I find myself completely empty. That is why after six months of breaking up with him I still haven’t recovered. Not a bit. It’s sad. And I sound like a silly teenager with a lot of time in her hands (which I guarantee you I do not have) to obssess over a boy. Like I was ever going to find the love of my life at eighteen. Silly, dumb me.
I’m 20 now. It’s time I learn to always put myself first and be ok on my own.
It’s funny how you can be so mature regarding some things and so foolish regarding others.
These are my thoughts this Saturday, leaning over my books and school notes as the sun goes down and night sets way too early. I hope you all have a great weekend.