Today I spent the night at my best friend’s house, Gabi. I’ve been here since Friday and we’ve been having a good time. We went out Friday night, spent the whole day yesterday hanging out, resting and having deep conversations and it’s been great.
Then, this morning, the weirdest thing happened to me. She woke up before I did, she opened the bedroom door and her cat jumped on the bed and walked on me, he woke me up for a few seconds but I fell back asleep.
I started dreaming. It felt very real. I had stomach cancer and I knew I was going to die the next day. Of course it doesn’t make any sense, but nightmares don’t have to make sense.
I was in a state of panic, could not stop crying talking to my dad, he cried too. I watched my sisters smiling and continued crying looking at them. Then I had lots of sex with a friend because I didn’t want to die without having sex first, which was really random.
Anyway, I woke up shaking and it took me a while to realize it had been just a dream. It was absolutely terrifying and horrid.
My point is I’ve spent so much time wishing I’d die and even though it wasn’t real, the feelings were. Life is painful but it’s pretty amazing and I want to be around for a lot more years.
I’m crossing this thought from my head for good. Things will get better and even when everything is going wrong you can at least have sex.
I know this was a really weird post. I’ve always been quite peculiar, anyway.