EEG results and what it set off

I don’t like coming here and whining. I often write about the fucked up things that happen in my life but always try to put some humour into it.

This time is different and I want to apologize in advance if this comes out too sad and whiny. All because this event hasn’t ended, it probably just started and I can’t laugh if off.

I got my EEG results and it’s a bunch of images, letters and numbers I can’t understand. It points out the problematic zones of my brain but it means nothing to me. There’s only one word written too often to be good news: depression.

They hand this to me on my way out of my therapist’s office and tell me to wait for a call from my doctor, to explain to me what it all means. Of course I’m completely freaked out because while I may not comprehend 99% of it, I can still read that one word and it makes me so scared.

2015 was a horrible year that’s coming to and end and I wanted to start 2016 with hope filling my heart to the top but now I think it’s impossible.

I made it through my week pretty well, dispite all the work. Except for today. I missed a test because I couldn’t get out of bed, both because I’m always completely sedated in the mornings and because I didn’t have the strength to.

I feel like I’ve failed and I have no hope. It’s a horrible combination.

I can’t help but feel helpless, worthless and like nothing is ever going to be alright. It’s been to long of me fighting against myself. The chemical imbalances in my brain causing me to be depressed and anxious against my joy and passion for life.

Who will want to hang out with a depressed person? Most importantly, who will love me for who I am?

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5 thoughts on “EEG results and what it set off

  1. CALL GABI. You know she is there for you always (‘Through the eyes of my best friend’). . .My heart aches for you- but know that things will change. That’s a fact of life- things change constantly and your despair shall pass, even if you cannot see that now. I can say this from experience, I’ve suffered the depression myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know, she is the best friend I could have and she’ll never leave me alone. Thank you so much for your kind words! It’s so heart warming to know I have someone on the other side of the world cheering me up! I hope it gets better. You’re the best ❤

      Like

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