I just hope a few months from now I’ll say “2016 was off to a rough start but I got through it”.
- December 31st: awesome New Year’s Eve party. Felt amazing decided to quit all my meds.
- January 1st: horrible hangover from alcohol but feeling happy.
- January 2nd: realize I should have started studying for finals ages ago although still happy and hopeful. Awesome date in a lounge on the 19th floor of a 5-star hotel, beautiful view, great company. Thinking I definitely don’t need any meds.
- January 3rd/4th: anxiety starts to creep in. Hard time focusing. Can’t get any studying done. Start questioning every decision I’ve ever made regarding university.
- January 5th: extreme feelings of hopelessness and feeling I have no worth. Can’t stop shaking, not sure if it’s cold or if my mind is playing tricks on me. Thinking I’ll never get my degree and that I’ll just keep failing classes over and over again. Major breakdown. Can’t stop crying. Major panic attack. Hyperventilating. Pop a pill.
Back to meds. Feeling a bit better. Hoping to recover. Hoping my semester can still be saved. Hoping I can be saved, somehow.