I bought myself a trip to Croatia. I’m meeting my best friend there, he’s been traveling for a couple of months now. Of course we’re going to be living like paupers there, nor him or me have the money to take a luxurious vacation. It will be our own special way: lots of walking around, cooking pasta at the hostel and drinking cheap wine before going out – and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
But that leaves me exactly 2 months and 3 days of vacation without absolutely anything to do. I applied for a few internships – didn’t get them. I wanted to go work in a hostel in Belfast – they showed interest but then it fell through; which was really annoying, I was really excited about that.
I could try and find a job but I’m ashamed to admit it: I’ve never worked a day in my life. The problem is that’s part of our culture and our messed up society in which the jobs that should be part-times for students are real jobs for actual adults because we have basically no jobs. And then uni is way too demanding to do both, anyway. Part-times are not even a thing. I could apply to be a tour guide and I think I could be great at it, but the afraid to commit is real! Will the money be worth the work? What if I sleep in? What if I’m horrible at it? Will I be missing out on times with friends?
My fears will probably seem completely irrational but my inexperience combined with anxiety and extreme FOMO are getting the best of me.
I just can not bear the thought of spending my summer sitting on the couch watching TV.
I’m in a double bind here.