“You’re not normal.”

I’ve been feeling different.

I’m the one who’s not gonna graduate after the 5 years and see all her friends move on to their first job.

The one who likes to wander around the city alone.

The one who will go out alone and make friends along the way.

The one who doesn’t go to her parents’ house on the weekends and is too unattached from her family.

The one who sees a therapist.

The one who’ll go on dates with strangers.

The one who needs anxiety meds to fall asleep.

The one who’ll see a patch of green grass and lay under the sun.

The one who’ll get upset over the tiniest things.

The one who does most things alone.

The one who will travel all summer – alone.

And as these are not necessarily all bad things, I feel like many people see me as being weird. All my friends are normal, I’m not sure what I mean when I say this, but it’s how I feel, that they’re normal and I am not.

Especially the thing with being alone most of the time, no one really understands that.

Am I doing it all wrong?

Out of all the hurtful things me and my sister say to each other when we fight, only two send me over the edge: “You’re crazy.” and “You’re not normal.”.

And in times of stress I myself feel very inadequate. A few days ago, insomnia kept me up until 6 am and all that went through my head was “I don’t belong here but I have nowhere to go.”.

I know when the pressure is off my shoulders, it gets better. I just really wish my brain wouldn’t work against me like this all the time.

 

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